I'm a fucking walking paradox no I'm not

the other day I almost decided to sponsor a child. never mind that I myself am in a serious need of sponsorship and keep meaning to cancel (temporarily I hope) my monthly transfers to charity .. but hey, we can't always be consistent can we. it is hugely overrated anyway. come to think of it - and this is obviously not the first time I have - people tend to value things that are hardly advisable if not harmful. consistency is one of them. we have this saying where I come from: only a cow never changes its mind and I doubt even that is true. how can anyone who thinks not change their mind? and how sticking religiously to a once adopted point of view, philosophy, plan, path, version of history, whatever for the sake of it is a virtue? it is not my dears think and change your minds! anyways anyways

if I sponsored it my child would get clean water food meds education and............ "Most important of all ... hear about Jesus Christ and be encouraged to develop a lifelong relationship with God". and I couldn't bring myself to do it (which is a good thing - I really am in no position to at the moment - but that's not the point here). So basiclly I am refusing a poor suffering child the food the water the health care and education, because I don't want him or her to develop a lifelong relationship with god. or rather which is the case, religion. how wrong is this am I a bad person after all? I was born and raised christian and I'm fine, why can't I trust this little person to at some point start thinking for him or herself and not grow into one of those annoying narrow-minded evengelical christians whom I find painfully boring but end up talkng to anyway in Dalston?