reality check

is this reality check shit really necessary today? i don't like what u call reality much i could of told u that without checking

drop things and trip when trying to pick them up kinda day. and drop them a-bloody-gain. and I do sigh but go n pick them up again and will continue keeping doing it. still I feel this enormous pressure on my skull like it could explode any minute literally. it's like I'm on the verge of a panic attack that my body's preparing as if it didn't know I don't do panic. pointless. I do have good reasons to panic but I have a cheap SEP field around them I think maybe the batteries need changing

and all this because today the fucking 'reality' has decided to come down crushing on me. or is it because of the fucking weather it's fucking mid fucking june fuckssakes! or venus retrograde fuck knows

a

kinda day

(I will take this opportunity to big up Powiekszenie, one of the best small music venues in Warsaw as far as I am concerned)

but hey

I remember crying to this song like a beaver (don't ask me, polish beavers cry heavily I don't know why) at a gig in Brighton I went to with Kleszcz once. I may be making this up don't think was in a state to realise even if the gig was still on let alone what a song was saying. but it's a cooler memory with this song in, mk? yes, one of the worsest moments of my life is a cool memory. doubt I will ever get even close to that state again but I know it could in theory be a lot worse. not that it's relevant just saying.

this really isn't my kind of music btw but Kleszcz loves Jamie Stewart SO much and I love Kleszcz so I kinda love him by extention even though I would never go as far as listen to him. other than this song on a day like this. this song I actually like and sing too on days like this. it's perfect.

here it is btw if you curious what it actually sounds like

and - u would of guessed if u'd paid attention - I love the video

ok I take it back this reality check shit was really necessary. it started with the so-called 'reality' check but led to proper real reality scan. and the result of the scan comes - like it always does - with a short note saying: it's all GOOD.  it always is, but if you just believe it without checking you make little progress. doubt is good. bad days are good. 'it all' only keeps being good if it's in flux.

it's

honest! HAHAHAHA [wicked laughter] yes I know I am bipolar aren't you?

I may create 'brain fart' tag especially for this post but bwoy did I need one.