Looking at you

There is a picture of you

looking at me (unaware), eyes

wide open, loving gaze.

That's what to me the picture says.

There is another one I see

in memory, or rather

same picture in reverse –

of you, oblivious to my wide-eyed loving gaze.

been a while since one

got lectured by an angry voice

of someone who won't risk and make mistakes

and understand some takes are not mistakes -

under the circumstances - when one makes the choice.

I wanted to write a poem

I wanted to write a poem.
a little one nothing too deep
about love. I took a pen
put reason to sleep
and sat and sat.

nothing meterialised
so I sat more
before I realised
(without a start)
I had no heart.

I wanted to write a poem about that too.
that too fell through.

detention

I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime
I don't have to debate everything and point out bullshit everytime

the queen of poetic devices

I love repetition
I love repetition

I wish there was

less egg
in quiche

I speak faster than I think often

here's the top line



and I do think fast.


type fast enough I don't
so I'm gonna cheat won't I
and copy past
e here

in place of this little barf
some stuff I wrote maybe
if it doesn't turn out to be a load of stoned wank
which it might
which i doubt.

if  I f
ind time

here's the bottom line

confession of a moth

just for a brief moment
I longed for such a pair
of colourful flapping wings
self-assured and self-posessed

and I smiled knowing what
I was not

impotence

mixed messages miscommunication miscomprehension
nothing vetured nothing gained nothing to lose

regret already there ready to take over from hope
accompanied by the insidious mindset: everything happens for a reason

"And somewhere still roam lions who understand
in their majesty, nothing of impotence"*

*The Duino Elegies: The Fourth Elegy, Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Alison Croggon

la lancha

you once said that look in your eyes is like freedom of thought

you said - that night en la playita blanca where you finally got

in the worst possible moment - you mentioned

the noise you heard but she didn't pay attention

so surprised that you finally found

that tiny patch of white sand

having to walk the whole length of the town

the whole length of the black beach.

and it was a very long black beach

which you didn't mind though your mileage

must have been in double figures by the time you crossed

the windy wooden bridge

that joined two sides of a lake and lead

to a quaint little village perched on the verge of a hill
made up of minute houses

walls so thin that lit from within

in semi-darkness that had by then crawled in

they looked like lanterns.

and by the time you emerged from that last bit of forest

straight into this dream

surrounded by rocks and went for a swim

it was dark.

you said - just before you run from there

and they caught you

and kept you there in the black beach

swiping the sea with a torch pointlessly

then shining it back in your faces

finding, incredulous, no traces

of fear or panic or mere preoccupation

and drove you back to the station in a wobbly Russian lada

and called the poor woman in the house where you were staying

and scared her to death saying are you the wife of such and such?

do you know where your husband is?

before, much to her relief, mentioning you.

you said - just after you heard the noise

of the speedboat they kept asking you about later

fading away in the distance

racing towards freedom of thought

some ninety miles away

- that it wasn't because you too wanted a way out.

your grip on her shoulders a little too tight

shaking so much you were shaking her a little

demanding confirmation you didn't need

that this was real.

this is real you kept insisting

and she knew it was

not because of the way your eyes were glistening that night

not because you shook so hard

that hot tropical night in that unreal spot

surrounded by rocks, one of a kind

that took so long to reach and you did

in such a bad moment

which you didn't mind.